Slowly going nowhere!

Ahoy there!

Another exciting day in paradise. Bugger all is happening. We don't even now what or when our next port of call is 'cos the powers that be don't even know. Its good to know that someone somewhere has no idea what this ship is up to. The amount of rumours flying round vary from Dubai to the moon!!!! We wait and see, but until then I just continue to stumble through the weeks. On a lighter note I am half way through my trip...

I have just been elected mess president for some reason. I think the crew had had faaaaarr too much to drink that night! Well anyway my first commandment was to organize a Haloween Fancy Dress Party. Oh tis gonna be ace. I am going as a wounded Marine. A snack size Action Man. I look ace in my Marine outfit!!! I will post pix as soon as I have them.

Right I am off the bar once my watch has finished for a few drinkey drinkey yum yums. I deserve it. Definitely. If I keep telling myself that it will sound true...

What a week!

Well we have finally sailed. Things are not going very well on here at the mo as no one knows what we are doing or going!!! Ah well - here are some pix from my trip so far. Lots of relaxing to be honest! He he he

I will muddle through though.

Dubai here I come!

Well we get in today campers. I can't wait.

I have been at sea for almost seven weeks, and even though I haven't exactly worked very hard, its still nice to get off RFA Disaster for a while.

Went down ze bar last night and had a few drinky drinky yum yums. Had a jolly good laugh aswell. Oh got to go someone has just appeared and very rudely asked me to do something...

Put a bangin donk in it!

Well hello there everyone.

Its a life on the ocean waves, a life on the ocean waves.
Wasn't that nice everyone - a nice little sing song to get you going? I hope it sticks in your head all day. Another reason to remember me!

The weather here is truly delightful. My tan is coming along rather nicely. It really is a hard life lazing on the upperdeck with my Walkman on listening to some house classix whilst going a luvly brown. I hope everyone back home is having as much fun in the sun as I am!

As promised I went down the bar last night and had a few quiet drinks - not! I decided it would be a terrible shame for those bottles of red wine to go to waste. So I put two of them out of there misery. I felt surprisingly tip top this morning and my watch flew over. Strange. I should do this more often...

But don't forget everyone - put a donk in it!

What a ruubish ending

Well I wasn't expecting that. I sat for almost three hours through Titanic and the ship sank. I really didn't see that one coming. I thought it would get to New York and Jack and Rose would live happily ever after and have three children called Fred, Bungle and Jereboam. They would move to San Fransisco in there twilight years to setup up a small general store called Mochachocalatteamma. Then die in each others arms in a Gangland shooting for not payin the homies respect.

Weird how things never turn out as you expect, eh?

Titanic

I am going to watch the film Titanic tonight. Allegedly it is about some ship that sailed across the Atlantic. I hope its worth a watch and has a good ending. I wonder what will happen?

I have forgotten...

I really wish I could remember how many films FilmFlex has at my fingertips.

I really fancy staying and watching a thriller!

More pirates!

Argh! There be pirates in these waters there be!

Yes, RFA Disaster has been chasing more pirates. Todays lot were as dull as the last lot. This time though they were far far away. It took us half the day to get to them. Then it turned out they weren't pirates at all, just fisherman out plying there warez! Silly old us. Tomorrow I expect we will chase after more pirates which will probably be a whale.

What has little old me been up to then? I went down the bar last night as it was my night off again and had some delicious wine. I drank one and a half bottles and as usual have very little recollection of anything after about 11pm. As ever sleepin is cheatin so I think I stayed up watching a DVD. Why I bothered I will never know as I have no idea what I watched but am sure it was Oscar Award Winning material.

We get into port soon and am really looking forward to it. I intend to go ashore as early as possible and lounge in the nearby hotel. Its gonna be ace. I will also be able to have phone conversations with people without the 3 second delay that plagues the statellite fone. I bet everyone back home is made up to know they will soon hear from my daily!!!!

Shiver me timbers!

Another day steams by with me achieveing not alot. Its certainly getting quieter on here and I doubt very much is going to happen before we get into port.

But... today we chased after some pirates!!!!!

I use chased in the very very loosest sense of the word. We sort of just pointed the ship in there general direction and starting heading towards them. Luckily for the pirates this rust bucket is not going to win any speed competitions and it looked like they had at least one man rowing so we never even got close. Even at full speed, with everyone out pushing and the wind behind us this thing still goes backwards!!!!

I was incredibly drunk last night. Its my night off so I thought why not? It would be rude not to. One and a half botles of wine later I was stumblig round the ship. Jolly good fun! I think I also made some fone calls. So if I spoke to you then remind me what I said to you!

My ramblings make more sense drunk anyway.

From bad to worse

Oh how I love my job.

Because of our continuing, chronic food and drink shortages it looks like we will be going in to port early. I can imagine the woried fone calls back to HQ. 'Look, if we don't get in to port soon Roy will vanish! He isn't exactly overweight anyway and a few more days of letttuce on stale toast ain't gonna do him any favours!'.

Joking aside things are rather grim.

We are down to our last four hundred tea bags.

Grim indeed.

With not alot to do except go round in squares in the middle of the ocean, tea is a prized commodity. Becuase I saw this coming (in reality I luckily found abox of 150 Tetley tea bags a few weeks ago and moved them upto the shack) I still have much tea and coffee up here to keep me going, but you can see some people getting worried. 400 tea bags ain't gonna last long.

The fools! They should have foresaw the events and stole tea like I did!!!! Ha!

Besides the majority of the crew wasting away and whimpering for tea and coffee I watched a fantastic tv proggie which I can recommend to anyone.

Due to the Sat Tv being broken (have I mentioned that before? Cos I am bored sick of being reminded about in onboard) we are watching discs which HQ send us with recordings of selected tv programmes on. Its a bit like Virgins TV on Demand except you can't choose what to watch. Anyway the proggie is called 'The Inbetweeners' and was originally on E4 about a group of late teeners living there lives. Its very very funny and very good. I do hope its recommisioned.

Another recommendation is 'The Supersizers go...'. This is about two people who live for a week eating what different generation ate eg. the 1970's, Edwardian, Elizabethan etc. Its quite informative but also quite funny. The woman in it is just usally pissed and the fella, well also usually pissed, but just eats and eats. Watch them both if they should get repeated.

I do work every now and then - its not all TVTVTVVTVTTVTV.

Unbelieveable!

Hey all!

Its been very quiet on here, which as we aren't really doing anything isn't that surprising. But no post would be complete without the 'only in the RFA'.

Because we have been at sea for longer than expected we are running out of food. Yes they are really starting worry that we might go hungry. Your not going to believe this but rationing has been intorduced on certain items. For example tea is only available on a Monday and Wednesday - why Monday and Wednesday is a mystery -, juice will only be available at certain other times. Fresh veg is a no - no except for special occasions and milk is only available in small quantities. I expect we will be issued with little books and stamps and ave to queue round the block for our slice of butter, spoon of sugar etc.

Yes its hard to believe, but then again this is the RFA!

Then it goes to another extreme and we are having a BBQ today on the deck which should be fun! I wonder how rationing will work there.'No you have already had one slice of lettuce on your half a burger on a slice of unbuttered bread - shoo shoo'.

Unfortunately for me I have work at 8 so can't have a drink at the BBQwhich is rather annoying. What would usually happen is anyone who isn't going the BBQ will stand in for you, but the lad in the dept who isn't going (and its his night off!) has said he won't do that for anyone and will just be watching TV in his cabin. Idiot. I shouted at him loads today and made it quite clear mine and everyone elses thoughts about him...

Other than that things are ace. I got a bit drunk last night and was playing Wii games at 2 in the morning.Starngely I am better at bowling drunk than sobre...

Skins

Oh my God...

Incredibly busy as ever, I have just been watching an episode of Skins. That teen E4 proggie. I am never watching it ever again. Its like my life in 45 minutes. Faaaaaarr to many similarities. Everyone is permanently wrecked, talking poo and generally not doing very much constructive. In this particluar episode there was jumping out of windows to avoid someones parents (check), to much booze (check) and lost of stuff (check) whcih made me cringe. In some respects it was rather tame compared to some weeks I have, but its still not good to see it in colour.

Anyway...

Rang around yesterday and everyone was shockingly sober (except me). Its not the same having a converstaion over the satellite fone drunk when the other person isn't. Don't remember much of the various conversations but sure they were all very interesting and worthwhile. So thank you whoever I spoke to!

Todays ponderable is why do you feet smell and your nose run? It makes no sense! I have far too much time on my hands.