I'm coming home!

Its official campers! I will be home on Sunday, 4th January. I land at Heathrow just after seven then board my Virgin Pendolino to Liverpool arriving bang on midday! I can't wait now and am getting really excited.

I hope everyone is going to be there to meet me. I would prefer banners, a brass band and maybe Granada.

And this is absolutely hilarious - you can;t make stuff like this up: (From the Liverpool Echo)

Clown brings chaos to Merseyrail

A SOUTHPORT woman dressed as a clown drove her car onto a live train track.
The 57-year-old had a lucky escape on Saturday when she ended up on the line at Crescent Road level crossing, Birkdale, Southport.
It is understood the woman, who was wearing a curly blonde wig, painted red cheeks, a green jacket and stripy socks, thought she was turning into Dover Road when she ended up on the track at 5.30pm.

Oh the shame!

See you in a few weeks campers!

Off we go again!

Not more work!

How rude!

I was expecting to be on a flight some time next week to the oasis of calm that is Liverpool. But nooooooooooo, the ship is desperately needed somewhere to support some other ship doing something. As ever I have to be incredibly vague, but where we are going is going to be ace for Xmas day on the beach and very warm. I am trying my hardest to whinge and wine about it, but its really going to be quite good. So instead of whinging and wineing, I will just drink lots of wine and whinge about the hangover the following day. Nice. I did get an email telling when I was due off the ship, but they don't seemed to have realised we will be at sea. I know they are trying to save money, but making me swim home is taking it a bit far. And what about all those sharks? Well I shouldn't really worry - I would only be good as a toothpick!

Had an ace time in my last port. Got to admit though it was real expensive with the dodgy exchange rate and not alot there, but me being me I can have a party in a fone box with no money! Glad to have left no though. I spent an absoulte fortune. Luckily I am not affected by the credit crunch, so continue to spend spend spend. It would be rude not to.

So as I continue to live the dream, it was announced today we are going to have a BBQ tomorrow on the upper deck. How nice. This usually involves copious amount of alcohol, dodgy BBQ food and a jolly good laugh. Luckily I am off aswell, so don't have to worry about stumbling back to work. Yeah for Roy!

I know its hard to believe from all the fone calls, emails and texts, but I do do some work every now and then. I just hide it well.

I was very ill yesterday

Oh dear, after y usual chinangins I was very very ill yesterday. Saturday started off so well. Me and one of the lads went down to the Bahrain Hard Rock Cafe and had a luvly meal and a few drinks. This however degnerated into my partying till 4 in the morning. Getting up at about twelve I thought I would brave the outside world and went ashore.

Big mistake.

Upon arriving at the Coffee Shop I immediately had to make the 10 yard dash to the loo's and then threw up, over and over and over again. Classy!

I stumbled back the ship about an hour later only to make numerous more phone calls on the porcelain telephone. I then lay in bed all night feeling very sorry for myself.

I feel ace today though so am going down the bar for one or two, before we sail for a few days. Back in port next week though. Where - nobody knows!

Be good everyone!

How rude - I'm working...

Being the nice person I am I decided I would cover a few duties this week so that the lads can get there wives/girlfriends out.So I have to work today, tomorrow, Wednesday and Sunday. Now as ever I use the term work very very loosely, but it does mean I won't be able to lounge around some pool somewhere on those days.

I could always run a really long cable to the pool from the ship...

I know hell exists - I was there all day yesterday!

Ahoy all!

As ever my life continues to revolve around partying, sunbathing and generally not doind a lot to be honest. But is anyone asks I am working damn hard.

Well on Thursday I decided we should have a big night out. The problem was I was on a half day so dragged on of the girls ashore with me at 12pm, on the premise of doing some shopping. Unfortunately this turned into much drinking, starting at about 2 in the afternoon. Blind drunk by about 7 we thought it would be a really good idea to go clubbing, so stumbled bach the ship, ganged up on a fe of the lads forcing them to go out and went clubbing. Much crazy dancing and drikking later I looked at my watch and it was now 3 in the morning. OH OH! Someone is in work soon. After waiting what felt like an eternity I got to bed at 4 only to have to get back up at 7.

It was not a good start to the day. My mouth tasted like I had eaten a bag of gravel, washed down with a glass of mud and then just for good measure a bit more gravel. Stumbling up to work I made my excuses and went off to find some work. Thats what they thought anyway. I just went back to my cabin and lay on my bed till 10.30. Feeling very, very sorry for myself. Rousing myselrf back to life I went back to work then disappeared on the premise of finding some 'paint' to go and 'paint' something. This meant going back to bed. I woke up at 1245 only to throw up everywhere - not a good start to the afternoon. Then went back the shack and disappeared again. This time though I did find some paint. Didn't paint anything tho - but at least it looked like I was working.

Nearing towards the end of the day I finally thought thank god I can go to bed proper soon. But nooooooooo. Lets throw in a fire exercise and the end of the day. Alarms going off everywhere are not good for someone who has the hangover from hell. Thinking at least this would be a good scive I trundled down the gangway ashore to get out the way. Nooooooo... Chief Engineer comes up to me and tells me he is impressed with the way I run the incident board so would I do it otherwise things that end would fall apart. I grunt of agreement I started doing what I am trained to do. But then I could feel the puke stirring in my stomach. I was gonna throw up everywhere!!! This would not have been a good idea with the Captain, Chief Engineer and Chief Officer all beside me. Cold sweats and a haze of realization that I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold down last nights takeela slammers I nearly thru up, but very clasily swollowed it back down, saving it for the invetiable later. Luckily the exercise finished not much later and I ran back to my cabin and made a phone call on the porcelain telephone. Nice.

I went ashore hoping to feel a bit better, but gave up after half an hour realizing I was neither use nor ornament sitting in a pub feeling sorry for myself.

Feel ace today though!

You can't make it up!

Well as ever in the RFA things don't go according to plan.

Yesterday they were making me do something called 'work'. Completely shocked and bamboozled by this new phrase, I looked it up in the dictionary and was astounded to find that I should have been doing it for the past few years. One not liking change I have chosen to ignore it.

Anyway, the ship had to do an adandon ship drill (crazily) whilst along side. So they needed two volunteers to go in the life boats and go into the water. Always one for a scive I couldn't resist. Off they go lowering the life boats into the water. Me a few deckies and someone else and drop the boat into the water. Start the engine. Ah but it soesn't seem to work. We began drifting dangerously close to other ships and were about to get the oars out when the wind changed and pushed us back toward the ship. We crashed into the side and were eventually rescues by another boat.

If the ship should ever be sinking I think I will take my chance in the water! One of the other boats has a hole in it so began sinking!

Join the RFA - you know it sounds fun and safe!

Oh and one more thing...

Set you alarm clocks, note it in your diary, plan to leave the country....

I will now be back home on the 14th Januaryish....